“Past your physical appearance
you reflect beauty
You recover so smoothly
Yeah,it gets ugly and
Lonely and scary, but
The load gets much lighter as you assess what you carry”
Over the years I’ve had a love, hate relationship with my reflection. I wasn’t always pleased with my physical appearance. Something about it never seemed to be good enough. As time went on I acknowledged that it was because I’d been comparing myself to others in all of the ways. Of course I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t me. I was trying to keep up with what I thought others liked. I’d wanted so badly just to fit in.
And then I didn’t.
I won't go into too much detail, but I sank into a really low place. For some time I didn’t want to be seen. I felt unworthy. I felt ashamed. At times I felt nothing. In the midst of what I considered to be my rock bottom I was reintroduced to myself. I began to hear myself and honor myself in ways I never thought I could. Daily I began to release any attachment to who I thought I was. With this, I created space to become. I began purging. The more I released the more connected to myself I felt. I began digging deep and uncovered that everything I’d been searching for was within me the entire time. I apologized to myself. I forgave myself. I grew more patient with myself and extended myself more grace.
The more accepting I grew of myself the more accepting I grew of others.
I’m unique and I’m not alone.
Everyone is maneuvering through their own experiences while trying to manage what comes in this physical journey.
I vow to be more vulnerable and even more transparent. I’m not interested in comparison, instead I choose to see and appreciate the value of all. Each of us have something special to offer that can be imitated, but NEVER duplicated.
Because I accept my own truth, my own beauty I see it reflected everywhere. In nature and even in other individuals I encounter.
The process is continuous. The work is never done. The journey is beautiful. So take a look into the mirror and tell me, what do you see?:
Daily I glance into this sheet of glass and reflect on what's before me.
There were years when I wished I could change what I saw
Years of unhappiness
Years of hate
Years of confusion
I wore them on my body
Clothed myself in discontent
With contempt for who I saw staring back at me
Unaware of the light
Unaware of the love
That was buried within
There were even times I wouldn’t dare face who I thought I was
I tried to pretend, like I saw
Like I was
A false foundation that wouldn’t blend
No matter the brand or shade
I was forced to go natural.
In the thick of it all I began to heal
To peel back layer upon layer
Beneath all I had been hiding under
Entangled inside of myself
I saw something authentic
I saw me.
With eternal gratitude:
I saw my body
That carried me
and supported me
Even when I was ungrateful
Even when I didn’t do my best
when others tried to take pieces
Tried to invade
Tried to intrude
Tried to impose
When I bent
When I broke
Made itself whole
I arose from my own ashes and blossomed
Uplifted into the present moment by strength transmuted from past lives
An artist and the art
A divine reflection of
ranseyp is a writer and artist living in Charlotte, NC. She is the founder and host of IssaCollective Podcast. Find her on Instagram @ranseyp.
Sunday Style is a New York City based digital publication on personal style.