Phase One: The Mirror



“Past your physical appearance

you reflect beauty

Graceful resilience

You recover so smoothly

Yeah,it gets ugly and

Lonely and scary, but

The load gets much lighter as you assess what you carry”

-ranseyp


Over the years I’ve had a love, hate relationship with my reflection. I wasn’t always pleased with my physical appearance. Something about it never seemed to be good enough. As time went on I acknowledged that it was because I’d been comparing myself to others in all of the ways. Of course I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t me. I was trying to keep up with what I thought others liked. I’d wanted so badly just to fit in.


And then I didn’t.


I won't go into too much detail, but I sank into a really low place. For some time I didn’t want to be seen. I felt unworthy. I felt ashamed. At times I felt nothing. In the midst of what I considered to be my rock bottom I was reintroduced to myself. I began to hear myself and honor myself in ways I never thought I could. Daily I began to release any attachment to who I thought I was. With this, I created space to become. I began purging. The more I released the more connected to myself I felt. I began digging deep and uncovered that everything I’d been searching for was within me the entire time. I apologized to myself. I forgave myself. I grew more patient with myself and extended myself more grace.


The more accepting I grew of myself the more accepting I grew of others.


I’m unique and I’m not alone.

Everyone is maneuvering through their own experiences while trying to manage what comes in this physical journey.

I vow to be more vulnerable and even more transparent. I’m not interested in comparison, instead I choose to see and appreciate the value of all. Each of us have something special to offer that can be imitated, but NEVER duplicated.


Because I accept my own truth, my own beauty I see it reflected everywhere. In nature and even in other individuals I encounter.


The process is continuous. The work is never done. The journey is beautiful. So take a look into the mirror and tell me, what do you see?:



Daily I glance into this sheet of glass and reflect on what's before me.

There were years when I wished I could change what I saw

Years of unhappiness

Years of hate

Years of confusion

I wore them on my body

Clothed myself in discontent

With contempt for who I saw staring back at me

Unaware of the light

Unaware of the love

That was buried within

I longed

I searched

I yearned

For acceptance

For connection


There were even times I wouldn’t dare face who I thought I was

Unaligned, disconnected.

I hurt.

I tried to pretend, like I saw

Like I was


A false foundation that wouldn’t blend

No matter the brand or shade


I was forced to go natural.

In the thick of it all I began to heal

To peel back layer upon layer

Beneath all I had been hiding under

Entangled inside of myself

I saw something authentic

Something divine

Something whole

Something beautiful

An essence

A truth

With love,

I saw me.


With eternal gratitude:


I saw my body

My temple

That carried me

and supported me 

Even when I was ungrateful

Even when I didn’t do my best

to nurture

it

protected

when others tried to take pieces

Tried to invade

Tried to intrude

Tried to impose

When I bent

When I broke

It regenerated

Made itself whole


New mind

Same spirit


Death

And rebirth

I arose from my own ashes and blossomed

Sprang forth

Uplifted into the present moment by strength transmuted from past lives

Past experiences


A magician

An alchemist

A creator

An artist and the art


A divine reflection of

I am

I am.

Anew, revitalized



ranseyp is a writer and artist living in Charlotte, NC. She is the founder and host of IssaCollective Podcast. Find her on Instagram @ranseyp.


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